ado

much more than one would believe possible about New York Times Magazine profile of M.I.A.

al Qaeda

number three figure in is killed, which seems to happen quite often, does it not?

AT&T

customer who sent complaining emails to CEO of is warned by that further such correspondence will result in legal action by

Barbour, Mississippi Governor Haley

assessment by that the media is making much too big a deal about the BP oil spill

concession by that BP oil spill could be lethal (“if a small animal got coated with enough of it, it could smother it”) is immediately put into perspective by (“But if you got enough toothpaste on you, you couldn’t breathe”)

Beresford-Redman, Bruce

friends of receive email from asking that they write character reference letters for in an effort to avoid the extradition of to Mexico for the murder of wife of – you know, maybe something like, “Please excuse my friend Bruce from having to go to jail for killing his wife.  He has a lot of insurance money to spend and would not find the kinds of things likely to be for sale in a Mexican prison purchase-worthy”

Bird, Derrick

landlady of Whitehaven, UK pub frequented by refers to as a “normal bloke” following the shooting to death of 12 people by and the subsequent suicide of

Blair, city councilman Steve

campaign by to lighten the skin tones of the faces of kids on a mural at a Prescott, Arizona elementary school – “To depict the biggest picture on the building as a black person, I would have to ask the question: Why?” – leads to loss of radio show by, though not yet to loss of council seat

Boehner, House Minority Leader John

apology from Paul McCartney – for insulting George W. Bush by telling President Obama how happy he is that America once again has “a president who knows what a library is” – is huffily demanded by

BP

former spokeswoman for one of the consistently least popular public figures in the history of polling – yep, Dick Cheney – is hired by to handle the PR disaster that has befallen

preference of officials of for the non-publication of photos of dead animals killed by oil of

Bush, George W.

authorization of torture is glibly boasted about by (“Yeah, we waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.  I’d do it again to save lives”), though how provoking Mohammed to give false information and establishing a pro-torture policy that can only result in similar treatment of U.S. troops has anything to do with saving lives goes predictably unexplained by


Carradine, Anne

wrongful death suit is filed by against the production company of the movie husband of was filming when he died, the apparent notion being that if the assistant assigned to him had done his job properly, David Carradine would have been at dinner with the film’s director instead of having been left alone at his hotel with nothing to do but get naked, strap himself into some bizarre harness, and die of auto-erotic asphyxiation

Cheney, Liz

Halliburton is – sit down for this one – defended by

Obama’s seemingly inarguable statement – that the deaths on the flotilla bound for Gaza were “tragic” – is inanely attacked by

Coleman, Gary

funeral of is postponed due to feuding among family members over who has the rights to the body of

Dennison, 32-year-old Charles

911 is repeatedly called by demanding the arrest of the mother of for taking beer away from

Gore, Al and Tipper

impending separation of makes future public smooching by unlikely

very funny Andy Borowitz story about the Supreme Court and

Hayward, BP CEO Tony

previous idiotic statements by, such as “What the hell did we do to deserve this?” (hint: 760 citations for safety violations over the past three years) and “I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to be very, very modest,” are followed by the ill-conceived declaration that the old life of – that is, the carefree, sailing and skiing, not-having-to-answer-a-thousand-questions-a-day-about-causing-America’s-worst-ever-eco-disaster life of – is wanted back by

Hightower, Jim

observation by that the BP disaster is merely the latest proof that Americans “are living under de facto corporate rule that has rendered our government impotent”

Israeli government

warnings to use “caution and restraint” when dealing with aid flotilla bound for Gaza fall on deaf ears of

Joyce, Jim

epic umpiring blunder by costs Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga a perfect game, and even though everyone in the world, including self, knows it was a mistake – “It was the biggest call of my career and I kicked the shit out of it.  I just cost that kid a perfect game after he pitched his ass off all night” – baseball commissioner Bud Selig refuses to overrule it because it would set a bad precedent of … of what, excessive fairness?

Knotts, South Carolina state Senator Jake

explanation by that ethnic slur by – “We’ve already got a raghead in the White House, we don’t need another raghead in the governor’s mansion” – was “intended in jest”

Limbaugh, Rush

Gawker flies banner that says, “Congrats on your 4th marriage” over Palm Beach, Florida wedding of that Elton John disgraces himself by playing at

Lost

fan of with way too much time on his hands is re-editing last season of to remove “sideways” scenes from

The Onion reports that “desperate fans” of are afraid that new episodes of are “continuing on in a parallel dimension somewhere”

Madoff, Bernard

lack of remorse – “Fuck my victims. I carried them for twenty years, and now I’m doing 150 years” – of

Makuski, Dillon

sentence of 30 months of probation is received by for breaking into a home and stealing dirty diapers

Marmaduke

collection of hilarious bad reviews of

McDonald’s

12 million Shrek drinking glasses are recalled by because they contain the potentially carcinogenic cadmium

McGee, Michelle

photos of self decked out in Nazi regalia are defended by (“I don’t believe it’s racism at all.  Anti-Semitism?  Yes”), and as for anti-Semitism being a form of racism, “I don’t see it that way”

Minnelli, Liza

invitation to join the cast of Celebrity Rehab is turned down by

Obama, President Barack

Maureen Dowd notes the Eeyorization of

press secretary for, asked to describe examples of “rage” demonstrated by about BP oil spill, cites “clenched jaw” of and declaration by to “plug the damn hole”

Palin, Sarah

BP oil spill is blamed by on “extreme ‘environmentalists’”

tweet by falsely implies previous opposition by to offshore drilling

Sheen, Charlie

request by attorney of for permission to smoke in jail is denied, so hooker privileges for are probably out of the question

Stewart, Kristin

ill-conceived observation by that “I feel like I’m looking at someone being raped” when paparazzi-shot photos of self doing celebrity-type things are viewed by

Supreme Court

Miranda rights are further weakened by

survey shows that 65 percent of Americans can’t name a single member of

Tea Party

poll “reveals” that majority of members of are unhappy with non-white, non-straight people